Veela Mating
by aurla0
Summary: Hermione has one of her ideas again... Run! - A parody of all those DMHP veela stories. They are good, but... enough is enough!


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter.

Veela Mating

* * *

><p>You could hear a pin drop in the Gryffindor Common Room.<p>

The silence was not disturbed for several minutes, until Harry Potter, blissfully oblivious, came into the room from visiting Hagrid.

Since his dog, Fang had died in the war, Harry had taken it upon himself to help Hagrid along with his grieving. This act of selfless charity was greatly supported by Hermione, who, while wanting to help, was kept extremely busy by her duties as Head Girl.

And so, Harry was just innocently coming back from visiting Hagrid (who was gradually getting over the death of his beloved pet), when he entered the silent common room.

"I'm back!" He unknowingly broke the silence.

The room exploded into motion.

"Quick, grab his wand!"

"Bloody hell, he kicked me in the face!"

"Ouch!"

"Get the rope, Ron, the rope!"

"Harry, it's for your own good!"

"I got his legs!"

"No you don't, you bloody git!"

Seamus let out a girly sounding shriek and collapsed to the floor, clutching a certain part of his anatomy.

"Harry!"

"I got the rope!"

"Quick, tie his ankles!"

"NO YOU DON'T-MFFFT!"

"Don't worry, Harry. I washed that one just this morning."

"Nice going, Neville!"

And as they proceeded through the painstakingly slow process of tying Harry Potter, Saviour of the Wizarding World up, another voice came through the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"We got Malfoy!"

This was met by cheers from the tired Gryffindors. (This was the only time Gryffindors would ever cheer after hearing the name Malfoy)

They picked up the bound and gagged Harry and carried him out of the common room to meet the rest of the Gryffindors, who were carrying a similarly bound and gagged Draco Malfoy.

Luckily for the Gryffindors, there were no teachers or other students around to see. This was unluckily for Draco Malfoy and Harry, however, who were now being carried up the moving staircases and towards the seventh floor.

They deposited the still tied up duo on the floor of the Room of Requirement, and the two boys glared up at the crowd of Gryffindors with all the hate they could muster. (Draco's glare had significantly more hatred than Harry's, for some unknown reason.)

"Now, Harry, the reason we have brought you here is because, well..." Hermione took a deep breath and looked around at the other Gryffindors, who nodded supportively. Harry started wondering how someone could nod supportively when Hermione continued.

"Well... We're staging an intervention!" Hermione blurted out in an uncharacteristic way.

The two tied up students on the floor gave her a look that clearly told her that she was insane.

Hermione continued with speaking without noticing.

"And 'The History of Veela' gives all the characteristics of a Veela who has found their chosen mate. And Draco Malfoy, unfortunately, fulfils all those characteristics. And- Harry! Harry, are you listening?"

Harry, who had been listening, was now extremely fearful for his friends' sanity. And his, of course.

Malfoy had already fainted about halfway through.

"Harry! We think that you are Draco Malfoy's Veela Mate!" Hermione pointed her finger at him with a gleam in her eyes. (Coincidentally, another time that Hermione had that gleam in her eyes, the Gryffindor Quidditch team woke up with headaches and couldn't remember what they had done for the past week.)

Harry whimpered and fainted.

* * *

><p>Ah, blissful oblivion... Harry was floating in a world of candy clouds and red headed girls whose names start with a certain alcoholic beverage...<p>

"-ry! Harry!" Someone was insistently shaking him.

He sat up. Blearily, he saw that Seamus was the one who had shaken his shoulder. Oh, good. It was just another nightmare.

A really weird-

His thoughts drew to a halt when he saw his surroundings.

He was still tied up, although the handkerchief they had been using as a gag was gone, he was in the Room of Requirement, with Draco Malfoy!

And several Gryffindors. But now they were all leaving!

Seamus winked at him. "Don't worry, Hermione will focus on something else after a week." He gave Harry a pat on the back, nearly overbalancing him. "Good luck, mate."

_No! Don't leave me alone with him! Seamus! Hermione! Ron! Noooo!_

The door closed behind the last of them.

Harry sank into depression.

"Ah... Hem hem." A voice coughed from behind him.

Harry whirled around and gave Malfoy the evil eye.

Malfoy glared right back.

"Are you really a Veela?" Harry had to ask. Seriously, you had to wonder...

"No! The Malfoy family is completely pureblooded!" Malfoy stuck his nose in the air.

"Oh."

They descended into a couple seconds of uncomfortable silence.

Then Malfoy had to add on to his previous sentence. "I'm not even gay!"

Harry had to eye him dubiously. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! I'm completely straight! I'm going to marry a nice pureblooded girl and have pureblooded Malfoy babies!" Malfoy blurted out.

This wasn't really convincing, but Harry shrugged.

They had another few seconds of silence.

"When we get out, let's never mention this again."

"Agreed."

* * *

><p>The Gryffindors had a feeling of sudden doom.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>*Omake*<strong>

Fred and George snickered in their joke shop. Their new, special edition novel had just had its only copy sold, to one Hermione Granger.

"Do you think she actually bought it?"

"Hermione has a bad tendency to believe anything written in books as fact."

"So, in other words, dear brother of mine..."

"Hell yes!"

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note.<strong>

Aurla0: I just ran into another Draco Malfoy Veela Mate DMHP fanfic and I just realized that there weren't many parodies. I've never made a parody before, but this was quite fun to make.

And I don't particularly like GWHP, but I wanted this to be sortof realistic. Even if it isn't.

Yes, I know that this is short.

Please review~!


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